hopeforthisnation: youraveragetrainwreck: danisnotafaggot: do you ever look at people just and really really really want to be their friend Do you ever look at people and just really really really want to sit on their face Do you ever look at people and just really really can’t believe that sperm won.
magnezone: draw things on my back with your finger so i can fall asleep/ in love with you
trillow: i got 99 problems and i can’t remember any of them so i guess that makes a hundred
grandma: DO YOU WANT AN APPLE
me: no thanks grandma
grandma: HERES YOUR APPLE
thatfunnyblog: acciodearborn: peet4s-bunns: peet4s-bunns: peet4s-bunns: So, one of my friends was walking down the street and she saw Aladdin in a chipotle You think I’m joking don’t you omfg Funny Stuff you like?
Try to seduce me in 7 words or less.
constantneverland: If anyone wants to come make out that would be okay with me
resi-lience: Today is the perfect day to be alive.
You know, I think one of the worst feelings is finding out that you didn’t mean as much to someone as you thought you did, and you just feel stupid, and because you looked desperate, about caring too much.
starksexual: i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it
run-cause-hitler: enayalate-h8-this-year: bbanditt: slett: winchestercodependency: ibecameacat: what if all your fingers just turned into tongues… like what would you even do dude people with vaginas would have the best time getting off “People with vaginas” what are those called again I can’t remember this is what yahoo payed 1.1billion dollars for ^ that...